Everyday the scene is repetitive. If the walls were just thicker it would be a lot better. It’s difficult if the workplace is at home. The space is invaded and you’d feel the lingering presence of the people. Nothing much has changed, but somehow I have. I can’t promise that it won’t wear me down, just that this time it’s different. Something in me sparked after leaving for about a week. I think it also helped that I was outside almost the whole week the past week. I didn’t get to hear the reverberating sounds outside my room, The environment has affected (still does) me. I try to be productive in the world that “doesn’t like to stay quiet”. I’m still being badgered by questions, bothered by the cries and hearing myself rant from time to time. I still don’t agree with a lot of things and I won’t stop saying my piece if given the chance. I don’t want to settle like everything would patch themselves on their own because the truth is the relations are already strained. No communication bars understanding. We easily got silenced by them when we try to counter or even just state the obvious. Having space is important. it happened many times that my dad peered over my computer monitor when I could have answered him or told him what I’m busy about if he just asked. Our room is open to everyone. They come in without knocking and without permission. I already got used to this, just hoping a little respect in my really little workspace.
But just when I thought everything is going to crumble down on me again, I regain self-control. I resist, calm down and take action to the things I have control over. I submerged myself then in work and it didn’t work much. Chances are things would crawl back to you because you can’t shake off the feeling when it’s happening every single day. But this time, getting things into perspective has helped me refocus. By setting goals for myself, I have found a path (which might not be clear-cut, but I’m willing to move forward) that would fuel action and a sense of accomplishment at every completed task.
I rediscovered that reading is what empowers the mind. It has helped me keep an open mind, to see things in different light and also to gain wisdom. I am determined to finish what I started, to close my pending reading list once and for all and rewrite a new one. I have learned that we have the power to rewrite our life scripts. We don’t have to follow the scripts written for us by other people. So here I am, reading and writing again. I revived the passion to write my stories again, and after finishing a couple of books, I’m really determined to discover more knowledge out there. Also, taking up online courses has helped opened up new perspectives and redefined old issues of humanity. Music has been my accompaniment through many aspects in life. The music created by artists all over the world has inspired me of the wide array of stories that people tell through their words and melodies.
Also, registering an Instagram account has helped me put pictures into perspective. I’m willing to study the basics and start capturing more photographs. Although I just have my digital camera (not the DSLR) type, it would be good enough for a beginner like me. Recently, we’ve been packing things for donations and finally given them to charity week by week. We still have a lot of things to sort, but we’ll get there soon enough.