I resign.

Sometimes you want to resign from something but you just can’t because there is no choice and it’s not as if you signed up for it. We know we should just let things go but something sparks and we are dragged back down the pit. There are moments that we’d feel that we just don’t want anything to do with it or could erase that part of the whole equation. The fact is, we are part of the equation but we’re always left out. We’re at the bottom of the priorities so maybe it doesn’t matter.

I tried to take the advice of people to stand back and let things be, to just sit back and relax. But after more than two months, you just end up being surprised again and again. You must be ready to take the blows, to accept the things you cannot change, to keep silent and swallow down everything because it’s not your call.

I don’t want to be a chess piece, to be put wherever the player wants his pawn to be placed. That’s why I had to ask when no one’s telling, if we weren’t observant enough and picked up the breadcrumbs along the way, we would be clueless about a lot of things and surprise surprise again. As much as other people want to know answers, I do to. I grew up being told to be specific, to decide quickly, inform properly, include the details, but when we want some details or explanation we don’t get one. We learned to blend in, to fit ourselves in where it’s convenient for others. I thought I might get used to these sporadic events that happen, because every single day is a challenge and we don’t really get to know in advance what will happen. The heavy thoughts linger when I just want them to go away. There are no scripts in life. But if a bomb is going to be dropped on us every time, can a siren be alarmed once in a while? I guess not. We just have to adapt, and that’s just life.

Right now, I had enough. It’s not worth it, it might be just a waste of time. I’ll move on. Read all the books that I can. Write all the stories that inspire me. Spend quality time with the ones important to me. Be creative and resourceful, content and graceful.

 

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